


A Court of Thorns and Stars

by SparklelyWonderful



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-23 08:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8321305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklelyWonderful/pseuds/SparklelyWonderful
Summary: An alternate story-line where very drunk Rhys crashes a Spring Court wedding and returns Feyre to the House of Wind. With a drunk Rhys on their hands, Feyre is does not mistake the mating bond as part of the bargain between them. Will she accept the bond and learn to love the High Lord of the Night Court?





	1. Wedding Crasher

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally titled "Wedding Crasher" and was meant to be a one-shot based off a head cannon. Upon request I have created a part 2 and 3. 
> 
> I do not own any of these characters. 
> 
> A huge shout out to: @the-heir-of-terrasen, this is based on your head cannon. @feysand17, thank you for your proof reading skills and help finding the plot holes.

_Rhysand_

I awoke with absolute dread, with a feeling of the ceiling pushing down on me. As I cleared Feyre’s nightmare from my mine. I reminded myself, she’s happy, she deserves to be happy. It may kill me, but she deserves to be happy, even if it is with Tamlin the sideline tool.

As I crawled out of bed, I fortified my shields. She may be happy, but her happiness on this day would destroy me. _She’s mine_ crept from my core. This beautiful gift from the cauldron was being taken from me. Just as he had taken my mother and beautiful little sister from me. I had to shield myself from any unguarded emotion she would send down, more like scream down our bond.

As I dressed, I sent a mental reminder to Cassian about our plans to meet at the House of Wind to get rip-roaring drunk. I wanted to start early as this day was already beginning to drain any reserves I had.

I walked to the kitchen to grab a little breakfast and caught Mor. In her hands she had a bottle of my favorite bourbon. She knew what today was, she knew what it would cost me. Mor bit her lip as she was deciding if she should say anything. “It’s none of my business…”

“Don’t! Just Don’t!”

I felt like we had had this discussion a thousand times in the past three months. She kept urging me to call in the bargain. I glanced at her sad eyes, I could tell she just wanted me to be happy. To just find the Rhys that she had grown to love, the one that would spend weeks getting drunk at our family cabin, the one that would smile and laugh. It felt like so long ago, so long ago.

In her wonderfully annoying fashion, she spoke anyway. “You should tell her. Before she makes a mistake, before she decides how she wants to spend immortality, you should tell her.”

“She loves him, she died, DIED for him. She hates me, only knows of the mask I wear as the High Lord of Night Court.”

She paused, “you said that when she was dying, while she was in pain, she plead for Amarantha to stop attacking you. You said, that when you parted from her Under the Mountain that she looked at you, like you were worth something. You do not plead for mercy for a person you hate.”

“She deserves to be happy, for all that she gave to us, Feyre deserves happiness.” It hurt to say her name. Mor went to leave, knowing she was losing this battle. Before she left she reminded me that I still the bargain stood, all I had to do was call it in. I finished breakfast and flew to the House of Wind.

Cassian landed on the balcony with a huge grin on his face. “What’s the occasion, Rhys?”

“Like you need a reason?!” I barked in response.

He shrugged his shoulders. “True.” He hesitated for a moment. “Will you tell me about her?”

I nodded as I drank straight from the bottle and passed it to my Illyrian brother. I had said so little about my time Under the Mountain. My brother deserve to know, I could share a piece of Feyre with him.

“I think I knew I loved her during her first task.” I smirked a little at the memory, “Amarantha’s first task was for Feyre to hunt a Middengard Wyrm.” Cassian’s puzzled look made me chuckle, in his mind, he was wondering how the hell could anyone fall in love with a person who is hunting such a foul creature. I took another large chug from the bottle and passed it to Cassian.

I dived into my story of how Feyre had created a trap by snapping the bones of the Middengard’s previous victims. How she had covered herself in a thick layer of disgusting mud to hide her scent.

I chuckled at the memory of her flipping me off. “She flipped me off. She flipped me off as she covered herself in foul mud!”

Cassian laughed “You are always so skilled with the Ladies.” We laughed as we drank another round. I did not leave a single detail out of the story.

“In her spectacular victory, she threw a piece of broken bone right at Amarantha. When the bone hit, mud flung on Amarantha, sending her seething at this mere human.” I took another swig from the bottle.

Cassian roared “Hell Rhys, if you don’t marry this girl, I will!”

My face fell, I took the last swig of the third, or was it the fourth, bottle of four-hundred year old faerie bourbon from the bar.

I slurred, “We both lose.”

Oh, I am drunk as the bourbon hits me like a wall. Or maybe I crash into the wall of bourbon. I brush my tongue against the roof of my mouth and realize that my tongue is numb. My telltale sign that I need to stop drinking. Or not. I slowly walk to the bar to open another bottle and take a mighty swig.

Cassian stares at me, in confusion or maybe concern. “Today is her wedd…” I stop.

Through the bond I clearly feel anxiety followed by “ _Help me, help me, help me_ ,” I stagger.

Cassian looks to grab me, to balance me. I stare into those hazel eyes, “she needs my help.”

 _Save me – please, save me. Get me out. End this._ Through the bond, I can see the red rose petals and instantly know that she is panicking.

_No._

What can I do, what can I do? Mor’s voice creeps into my mind reminding me of the bargain.

I winnow directly to the Spring Court, using the bond to guide me to Feyre. Arriving little louder than I expected, but people are still retreating away from me. Oh winnowing was a very terrible idea. Very, very bad idea. It took all my will not to vomit as I straightened my lapels and purr, “Hellllooo, Feyre darling.”

\- - - - - - -

Feyre

Of course, why should I be surprised?

Rhysand stood before me, darkness leaking from him. As he straightened his lapels, I noticed it took a little more effort than it normally did. He did not seem his normal graceful self. I studied him as I realized his normal feline grace was gone.

“What a pretty little wedding” Rhysand said, or maybe slurred out.

Rhys looked at me, “What in the cauldron are you wearing?” He did not attempt to hide the disgust on his face “That dress is hideous! You look like, like…I’m speechless. I cannot think of a foul enough insult for that hideous dress.”

Rhys glanced at Tamlin, “I knew you had bad taste, but really this dress!? It’s ridiculous!”

I gaped, gaped at him. I knew he was right, I hated this dress, it looked ridiculous. I wish I could wearing a tunic. As if he heard me, he snapped his fingers and I was wearing my dark purple tunic and pants. Thank the Cauldron.

Tamlin roared, his claws out, “How dare you!”

Rhys smirked, “Was I interrupting? I thought it was over.” Rhys continued to stare at me not paying an ounce of attention to Tamlin. His doe eyed smile was almost too much to take. Rhys swayed. If I was still human I would have missed it. The bastard was drunk. The drunk prick decided to crash my wedding.

“Get out!” Tamlin growled.

Rhys smiled and gently purred “Oh, I don’t think so. Not when I need to call in my bargain with Feyre darling.”

“Get out!” Tamlin repeated.

Rhys just stuck out his tongue and laughed “Make me!”

I suppressed a giggle, he looked like a child as he stuck out his tongue.

Tamlin went to lunge at Rhys, but he held up a hand and Tamlin stopped. “Oh the fun I could have with you. Maybe another day, Feyre and I have a dinner date.”

I was furious and relived at the same time. How dare he crash my wedding! He knew, he knew I was pleading, he knew I was about to say no. I needed to think. I needed to get away even for just a moment. I shuddered as I thought about all I knew of the Night Court, how Amarantha modeled Under the Mountain after the Night Court palace.

It took all I could to step passed Tamlin and grab Rhys’s hand. Darkness roared around me and then we were free falling, I tried to gather air in my lungs to scream. I then felt Rhys grab me and the beat of wings as we slowed.

Rhys landed us on a stone balcony. He stumbled, and ran towards the edge to vomit.

Drunk Prick! Anger swelled in me and as I approached him screaming “How DARE You…” I stopped.

Behind Rhysand was the most magnificent view. The most magnificent view I had ever seen. “A city, how?”

Rhysand was still hurling over the balcony. I turned back to the city, a beautiful city, with a winding river that flowed into a sapphire sea. Some of the buildings were crafted of white marble. Others were painted beautiful colors that I had no name for. I wish I could have cataloged them for a later use, but that part of my soul was empty. It died with those two innocent Fae.

Through the bond I could feel Rhys approaching me, I simply asked “How is there a city?” A look of panic flashed across Rhys’s face, it was as though he was realizing where we were. He swore as he grabbed my elbow and for a second time today darkness surrounded us. Darkness fell as Rhys stumbled. Drunk Prick. I gave him a little push and he landed not so gracefully on the moonstone floor.

As I gathered my senses, a feeling of deja vu hit me. I was in a palace in the sky. The room was made of alabaster and moonstone. The hall was open to the elements, but warm. I looked at the most beautiful night sky, the night sky of all my dreams. Rhys hiccupped as he pulled himself off the floor, the anger rose in me.

“You insufferable Prick!”

Rhys hiccupped, “I certainly miss that look on your face!”

“Take me back home!” Rhys looked as he was trying to gather all composure but losing the battle with his drunken self.

“You’re Drunk” I snarled.

“You’re beautiful when you are mad.”

“Prick!”

“Feyre”

It was taking all my effort to not tackle him to the floor and beat this drunken self-adsorbed smug High Lord into the floor. His eyes softened, those beautiful violet eyes.

“Why are you drunk, is that how you are spending your days? Drunk, crashing weddings?”

His eyes flashed with wariness as he whispered, “No, just today.”

Then like a ton of bricks, it hit me. In the back of my mind a faint stirring of notes. As I recalled how the music built and folded and filled my soul, I remembered the palace that formed in my mind, the palace that gave me the will to fight in that dark cell Under the Mountain.

I turned to the drunk prick “You,” I stuttered, “You, sent the music to my cell. Why?” And I remembered, everything I wanted was there in that palace, the one I loved was there –

Rhys looked at his toes, “Because you were breaking. And I couldn’t find another way to save you.”

I remembered, him screaming my name like he cared. At that moment my world spun, my eyes locked into his, my nostrils were filled with his scent of citrus and the sea. I felt a tug in my core and I stumbled forwards as Rhys caught me. My Mate. 


	2. Stars and Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feyre discovers the mating bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wedding Crasher was meant to be a one-shot based off a head cannon. Upon request I have created a parts 2 and 3. 
> 
> A huge shout out to: @the-heir-of-terrasen, this is based on your head cannon. @feysand17, thank you for your proof reading skills and help finding the plot holes.

_Rhysand_

Feyre turned to face me, eyes wide. I could feel a storm of emotions running down the bond ranging from anger to love. Saying that the wave of emotion felt overwhelming, was a gross understatement. My head was still spinning from the buzz that refused to leave my body.

“You,” she stuttered, “You, sent the music to my cell. Why?”

I looked at my toes, this beautiful woman was my mate. Even when she exuded nothing but frustration. Even though she was so angry, that heat radiated off of her, all I could do was love each and every moment I was in her presence. I could feel the bond quell as if satisfied by our proximity. The wave of emotion changed, a feeling of pure love was sent through the bond. It caused me to lose my balance.  Holding on to that feeling, that feeling of love, all I could do was whisper, “Because you were breaking. And I couldn’t find another way to save you.”

Through the bond I felt Feyre’s flashback, “Rhysand yelled my name again – yelled it as though he cared.”

Our eyes locked, those beautiful eyes looked at me in shock. As she stumbled forward as a single thought was pushed to me. _My Mate._

Shit! She was falling, this isn’t how I wanted her to find out. I wanted her to love me first, love me like I loved her. She shouldn’t feel obligated to the Mating Bond as my parents had, as she felt obligated in her trials to save us. As she fell forward into my arms, all I could think of was how she deserved so much more than the monster I had become. Even if she never loved me, I knew I would give up the night sky for her.

I stumbled as I caught her. Oh, I needed to sober up, I sent a mental request for a cup of strong tea to Nuala. This was going to be a long night and Feyre needed me.

\- - - - - - -

_Feyre_

Panic, unrelenting panic grabbed me as I fell forward into Rhysand’s arm. At the contact my body calmed. The touch soothed me.

I steadied myself and straighten, my mind whirling with thoughts. How could I possibly be his Mate? Tamlin told me Mates were equal, Mates were rare. Rhys healed me Under the Mountain, in the end I thought he was different, but I had zero feelings for him. Well maybe not zero, I could see a part of him that would be easy to love. I was so damn broken. I mulled over our last interaction before we disappeared. He knew!  He knew and did not tell me. I felt an angry fire rush through my veins. The hall exploded in flames.

“Feyre,” Rhys said as the fire erupted. He sent a calming pulse down the bond. “Feyre, I am sorry. There never seemed to be a good time to tell you.”

_How do I extinguish the flame?_

_Calm down, envision yourself blowing out candles one by one._

I calmed and the fired slowly died. The hall was ruined. I ruined this beautiful hall.

“Is this the first time you have set a room on fire?”

I nodded.  

\- - - - - - -

_Mor_

Cassian alerted me the moment when Rhys and Feyre winnowed from the House of Wind. I was so excited to meet Feyre. Rhys loved this woman, I knew it was more than just being mates, during his time Under the Mountain, he developed feelings. I winnowed to the House of Mist.

I smelled the damaged before I saw the destruction. Wafts of smoke billowed from every wooden surface. Thank the Cauldron that the hall was mostly stone. Where the glass dining table once stood, all that remained was a melted pool of glass. Oddly, beautiful against the moonstone tile. My favorite chair was a pile of smoldering ash.

It was quite the sight. Rhys drunk, trying desperately not to be. Feyre, was literally steaming.

Oh, I already liked her. Amren, the little fire drake would love her as well.

Rhys, lightly tapped my shields to ask for permission to enter my mind. I granted him access.

_She knows, she knows we are mates._

_How?_

_The bond snapped in place._

_I told you she didn’t hate you._

_She doesn’t love me either._

As the steam rolling off Feyre dissipated, I saw a frail broken girl.

_She needs to heal. She can’t love anyone until she heals. Help her heal, Rhys, we all need to help her heal._

\- - - - - - -

_Feyre_

Behind me I heard a chipper voice “Oh my, this seems to be going well!”

I turned around, if Rhys was the most beautiful man, this golden hair female was his equivalent. She was like sunlight. In an elegant and chipper voice that did not match the Night Court, “Hello, Feyre, it is such a pleasure to meet you.”

She knew my name. There was something about her that I trusted, even liked. Are all the people of the Night Court beautiful?

Rhys stepped forward, “Feyre, this is my cousin Morrigan. Mor, this is Feyre, who I already have told you so much about.”

Rhys talked about me? I awkwardly stuttered, “Ni-ce, to meet you.” I offered my hand but Mor pulled me into a hug. A hug you would normally reserve for loved ones.

We exchanged pleasantries as if I had never destroyed the great hall. Suddenly the day’s events hit me. I had truly had enough of the day.  I kindly asked Mor to show me to my room. She opened the door and gave me a slight nod accompanied by a look of understanding. She could sense my exhaustion and how the introvert in me just needed to be alone.

I entered the center of my room, I gaped, the room was exquisite, a dream. This room was easily three times bigger than my room at the Spring Court. The room overlooked the night sky and where windows should have been, the room opened to the elements as a warm breeze brushed my skin.

The bath, was the size of a small swimming pool and over hung the balcony. Off the bath was a small dressing room filled with various clothes. I scanned the clothes and realized everything in the room was my size or what was my size before I started sacrificing my dinner to the porcelain god every night. Had Rhys selected all of these clothes for me?  When had he bought them? The clothes ranged from simple tunics to beautiful dressing gowns fit for a Queen. The colors of the wardrobe, were all appeasing.

I began to open drawers searching for a set of night clothes or a night gown. On the second drawer, I slowly drawled my breath, I stared at a gold diadem set with lapis lazuli. I had not appreciated the beauty of the diadem Under the Mountain. As I picked up the diadem, the finely crafted gold offset the signature blue of the lapis lazuli stones. I realized it was made for a Queen. I let out a steady breath as I returned the diadem to the velvet lined drawer. He had crowned me as a queen for the entire court Under the Mountain. He had crowned me and paraded me as a queen to Amarantha and Tamlin. I shuddered as I felt warmth flowing through the bond.

I finally found a set of night clothes. I began to I unbutton my purple tunic, remembering how I had wished to be standing in a tunic, really anything other than that ridiculous wedding dress. How much of my thoughts did he hear? I slid the tunic off and that is when I realized it was not mine, but a tunic of a finer material. I hissed at the thought of it being yet another gift from Rhysand.

I slipped on my night shirt only to I realize my hair was still set in ringlets held in place by pins of pearls. Ianthe said the beautiful pearls were met to symbolize the wisdom that I had gained through my experience of Amarantha’s trials.  I didn’t feel wise. I’m not sure what I felt. I sat at the vanity, wished for Alis and cried as I began to pull each and every pin out of my golden hair.

I crawled into bed. My final thought before drifting off to sleep. Rhys, not Tamlin, Rhys was my mate. The Mother did have a sense of humor, of course I would be mated to that insufferable prick.

\- - - - - - -

I was on a red marble floor, bleeding, dying. I awoke breathless and I quickly lurched toward the bathing room.

As I wrenched the contents of my stomach into the toilet, I felt strong hands pulling back my hair. I heaved again, when would this stop?! I was falling apart. I should have turned that blade onto myself. It would have been easier to die.

Rhys barely whispered, “shh, it was just a dream. It is over now.”

His strong hand stroked my back, slipping calm with every stroke. When the final wave passed, Rhys carried me to bed. As he pulled away, I grasped his hand.

I had no idea what I was thinking. I knew this was a bad idea as I whispered, “Please, stay.”

Rhys purred, “Of course, Feyre darling, anything for you.”


	3. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Retelling of Feyre's first visit to the Night Court, but this time she knows of the mating bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge shout out to: @the-heir-of-terrasen, this is based on your head cannon. @feysand17, thank you for your proof reading skills and help finding the plot holes.

_Rhysand_

I awoke to the most beautiful sight. Feyre was tucked into the nook between my shoulder and neck. Her hand resting on my chest as she quietly snored. I could stay here forever; however, I desperately needed a bath. Waking up with a little bad breath is expected, smelling of stale bourbon was not. Our first morning together, reeking of stale bourbon was not a memory I wanted for her, for us.

I reminded myself that there was nothing to last night, she just needed not to be alone. She would have slept next to the Suriel, if it meant not being alone. She had spent so long being alone. I unwrapped Feyre from my arms and headed to my room.

She was still sleeping as I slowly made my way to breakfast, I needed a cup of strong tea. My head felt like it had been cleaved in two. As a Daemati, I could cure any hangover but my own. I approached the dining table, well what was the dining table and chuckled as I summoned a new table. Her display of power last night was magnificent and she didn’t give a second thought to the power that flowed in her bones. If she inherited High Lord Beron’s fire power, what other powers had she inherited, did she have power from all of us?  She needed trained, she needed trained to protect herself or to save herself from the threats of others as they learned Tamlin’s secret.

The replacement was a wooden table did not fit the décor of the hall, but it would function until I found a replacement. Mor had been begging me for centuries to redecorate, maybe I could task her with refurbishing the hall.

I summoned Nuala and Cerridwen, to inform the twins of Feyre’s visit and her need for their assistance. At my instruction, they had Feyre’s room and closet prepared for months. Now seemed like a good time to summon breakfast and a strong brew of tea. I took a few more sips of team before tugging at our bond.

\- - - - - - -

_Feyre_

I know Rhys stayed most of the night and I was grateful to not be alone. So many nights all I yearned for was for Tamlin, Lucien, Alis, hell the stable boy, any of them to hold me or sit by me or tell me it was going to be OK. I know if I would have voiced my want, all of them would have jumped to my side, all of them would have aided their savior. I never asked, I couldn’t ask. I didn’t want to seem weak, to admit how broken I am, or maybe I didn’t want to seem too needy. But if I was honest with myself, that was only half the reason. I had spent so many years, so many nights taking care of others, I was so strong, and I had no idea how to ask for help. And maybe that is what Rhys understood, he knew the price of being strong. He knew the price of self-sacrifice. Maybe he just wore a mask, just like Nesta who had built her walls of protection and spit venom at anyone who approached.

I heard a gentle knock. Two beautiful figures appeared at my door, their dark hair shone like cut onyx stones. Initially I was shocked by their familiarity with me until I realized they were my hand maidens from Under the Mountain. Nuala and Cerridwen drew a bath and set out the day’s clothes before leaving me.

My high-waisted pants were midnight blue, almost matching the shade of my tattoo. The matching top was made of a light gossamer. The clothes were comfortable, far more comfortable than my normal spring attire. Before I had the chance to walk to the living quarters, I felt a tug on the bond as if being summoned like a dog. I marched up the stairs to the living quarters seething.

Any calm I felt when I had awaken was gone. Any grace I had given the High Lord, any feelings of comfort I felt, immediately dissipated when that arrogant Prick tugged on our bond, summoning me to breakfast.  I entered the hall and immediately I noticed that Rhys look like death. Not like the strong-good look of death incarnate he normally exuded. No, this Rhys, had a different look of death, the one that made him look like he was ran over multiple times by a carriage and then trampled by a group of Naga.  He didn’t even bother to hide his wings, his hands cupped a mug of tea. It took too much energy to hide the wings, energy he was reserving to function. Oh, this could be fun, maybe I could under his skin.

Rhys glanced up at me with those brilliant violet eyes, I sat at the newly replaced wooden table. The warm table did not fit in the alabaster and moonstone room, but it functioned.

Rhys purred, “Good morning, Feyre darling.”

“I am not a dog to be summoned,” I growled.

Rhys chuckled, “So feisty this morning!”

“You know you are an insufferable Prick!” His cooled presence, his smug manner, just pissed me off.

“The wings?”  At the mention of them they disappeared. It wasn’t a lack of energy, he had just forgotten to hide them away. Interesting.

“I thought it would always be dark here,” it was well past sunrise, I would guess mid-morning by the position of the sun.

“The Night Court is one of the three Solar Courts,” he said as he poured me a cup of tea. “Our nights are far, far more beautiful, than the Seasonal Courts. Our sunsets and dawns are exquisite, but our night sky is like no other. The Solar Courts adhere to the laws of nature, the Solar High Lords might be powerful, but none of us have the power to change the path of the Sun or Moon.”

I grabbed a muffin and some melon with my fork, “And the Seasonal Courts, they chose to not adhere to the laws of nature?”  I had never thought about how even in winter, the roses and hyacinths were in full bloom. How the sun was warm, but not as warm as a summer sun, but brighter, warmer than a winter sun.

“The nature of the Seasonal Courts,” he said, “is linked to their High Lords, whose magic and will keeps them in eternal stagnation of their season.”

I wanted to know more. In the not even twenty-four hours I had been here, I had learned more about Prythian and being fae that I had in the past three months.    

I ate and took a few more sips of this Cauldron blessed tea.

Rhys watched me, then he said quietly, “You’ve lost weight”

“You’re prone to digging through my head whenever you please, I don’t see why you’re surprised by it.”

The thought of him reading my mind. Anger rose again.

Rhys went still. I could have sworn the shadow of great wings spread behind him.

“I can’t help it if you send things down the bond.”

“Do you think I enjoy be awoken every night by visions of you puking? Do you think I enjoy sideline view of your intimate moments?  You send everything, every strong emotion, right down that bond, and I don’t appreciate having a front-row seat!”

I needed to know, I needed to know if we were going to be linked like this for the rest of our immortal lives. “How does the bond work?”

He sat back, sipped from his tea. “Think of the bond as a bridge between us, and at either end is a door to our respective minds. Sometimes you have a shield up, sometimes when your emotions run high, you might as well be standing at the foot of the bridge shouting your thoughts across the bridge. Sometimes I can shield myself from your thoughts, sometimes I cannot.”

“How often do you riffle through my mind?”

All emotion faded from his face. “When I can’t tell if your nightmares are real threats or your imagination. When you are about to be married and you silently beg anyone to help you.” He paused. “To answer your question before you ask, yes. Even with shields, I could get through them. You could train, though, learn how to shield against someone like me, even with the bond bridging our minds and my own abilities. I am shocked that Tamlin or Lucien have not already began training you against me and my powers.”

I was so tired and we hadn’t even finished breakfast yet.

“What do you want from me?”

Rhys leaned back in his chair. “For this week? I want you to learn how to read.”

\- - - - - - -

The only reason I was sitting at the table was the memory of the helpless feeling I felt during my trial, Lucien was pleading for me to just pull a lever. Rhysand was right, I needed to learn how to read.

“Don’t you have something better to do than teach me?”

“Of course, but there is no higher pleasure than watching you squirm.”

“You’re a real bastard, you know that?”

Rhys huffed a laugh, “You’ve called me worse.”

“Can’t you hire a tutor?” I didn’t want him to see me, I did not want him to see how illiterate, ignorant, unremarkable, proud, cold, I was. I didn’t want to bare my soul to him. The mess that was hidden by a wall of coldness, a wall I built, just like Nesta’s to protect myself from the world.

I could see the sadness in his eyes as he responded, “Feyre, you need to learn how to read and write. You will be wife of the High Lord of Spring, expected to keep your own correspondence, plan dinners, and write thank you notes for all those marvelous wedding gifts. It is essential that you learn to read and write.”

“I can still marry Tamlin?  Even with the mating bond?”  My stomach sank. I loved Tamlin, but a mating bond is sacred.

“Yes, Feyre, you can still marry Tamlin. If that is what you want.” He paused before he continued, swallowing a knot in his throat he continued, “Feyre, you have a choice. You can chose to accept or reject the mating bond. The bond will always be there, it will not go away, but we have a choice whether we chose to be mated.”

I still had a choice. So many decisions have been made for me, so many sacrifices. I had spent so much of my life surviving, there was such little time to dream. But there was a time, where all I ever wanted for myself was a quiet life with just enough time and money to paint. Wait, he said we, did he not want this bond, and did he not want to be bonded to me? I couldn’t blame him. I was a mess, such a mess. What was the point of a mating bond with no love?

Rhysand set a piece of paper with letters in from of me.

“I’m not that stupid, I know my letters,” I said sharply, sharper than I intended.

“I never said that you were stupid, I am just trying to determine where we should begin.” I leaned back, I knew this was going to take a while. I knew that he was just trying to help me.

He strolled over with a new sheet of paper, “read that.”

Another blur of letters. “I can’t!”

“Try, try to read it, Feyre.”

Arrogant Prick. I snatched the paper to me. I looked at the first word, sounding it out in my head, “Y- you . . . Look . . . Ab . . . Absolutely. . .De. . . Del. . .” I glanced at him, pleading for help. I hated myself.

“Delicious,” he purred.

My brows knotted, heat sprang to my fingers. “You look absolutely delicious today, Feyre?! That’s what you wrote?”

His voice whispered in my head: _It’s true, isn’t it?_

“Stop that!  Get out of my head.”

_Make me!_

I didn’t know where to begin, his claws were everywhere. I mentally shoved myself against him, but he did not budge.

_Shove. Me. Out._

I pushed against the claws again.

_That way, Feyre._ A path illuminated inside my mind. The road to pushing him out of it. It would take me forever to pry each of those claws out and push them out of the narrow opening. If I could just wash him away. I created a wave, a wave of self, of me, to sweep him out. I rallied into a wave and washed him out of my mind.

“Good, Feyre, very good. Now shield, block me out so I cannot get back in.”

I needed to create a wall, like the one around my heart. I imagined an adamant wall snapping down.

“Very nice, blunt, but effective all the same.”

“You’re a Prick!”

“Oh most definitely. But look at you…you read that whole sentence, kicked me out of your mind and shielded.”

“Don’t condescend me, do you think this is easy? You sit there with years of training, someone to care for you enough to teach you. You have no idea what it feels like to be this weak!”

“I’m sorry.” He glanced at me, “I am not your enemy, Feyre.”

“Who are you?  I cannot tell if you are an arrogant prick or if deep down you are a friend. I cannot tell if you are my enemy or my savior. I cannot tell if you love me or if you hate me. Does your kindness always have an ulterior motive?  I like drunk Rhys better, he was half the prick you are, almost normal. Drunk Rhys is as much a mess as me, trying to reconcile the nightmares from Under the Mountain.”

His eyes darkened. I knew I had hit my mark. He pointed at a blank piece of paper. “Start copying your letters until they are perfect. Every time you get through a round, lower and raise your shield. Until that is second nature. I’ll see you at dinner.”

\- - - - - - -

I was starving, when I made my way to the dining table. I was the first there and the table was empty. I surveyed the hall. I had destroyed the room. The amethyst curtains were decimated. The chairs were pile of ash. I jumped as Mor magically appeared in the center of the hall.

“Hello, hello,” Mor chirped as she surveyed the room, “I have to say you did a wonderful job destroying this room. Thank you, I have been wanting to redesign it for centuries but Rhys has always said no and now he will have to say yes.”

I didn’t acknowledge her statement, I did not want to draw attention to my newly expressed power. “Hello, is the sudden appearance Night Court magic?” 

“I’m starving, food first, then we can chat.”

I couldn’t agree more. Spending the afternoon raising and lower my shields drained me of any energy I might have had. Food just appeared, we both dug in to a simple but delicious dinner of roast chicken served with greens and herbed potatoes, comfort food. We sat silent, devouring our dinner. Finally, a High Fae with an appetite to match mine. Tamlin and Lucien often gave me incredulous looks when I dished myself to a second helping. I had a thousand questions. Questions I was too embarrassed to ask at the Spring Court. I could feel that Mor would answer all my questions, without ulterior motives, without judgement.

“Wine?”

“Yes, please.”

“Our ability to appear and disappear is called winnowing. The ability to winnow is not reserved to any court, but to the amount of power a fae has. Some fae such as Rhys and myself can winnow anywhere we wish in Prythian.”

“How does it work?”

“Rhys is so much better at explaining the mechanics of magic then I am. Being the son of a High Lord, he was properly schooled in not only wielding his magic but the theory behind all magic. To winnow, I just imagine the place I want to go and voila I am there. Time just stands still as I travel from one place to the next. It is easier if I had been to the place, I would have to focus if I needed to winnow directly to let’s say the Spring Court, than to a court I had previously visited.”

So she must be powerful. I examined the way she carried herself and noticed that she didn’t carry a single weapon. How powerful must she be to not need any weapons while living in the Night Court? Even Tamlin usually carried at least a knife. I watched as she carved a knife into her chicken. The way she held the blade told me that she had skill, even if she did not carry weapons with her.

I could see her scanning the damage of the room, “looking at this room, you will most likely also be able to winnow. I am not sure how far, but I know you would have given Eris and Lucien a run for their money with the power you showed last night.”

“Wait, not all High Fae can summon fire? Sometimes when Lucien is angry, or when I drank faerie wine during the summer solstice, heat radiates off him like a forge. Who is Eris?”

She laughed at me. I instantly growled at her. I was tired of feeling stupid, ignorant.

Mor pleaded, “Feyre, please forgive me, I forget that you were born human. I would have thought that Tamlin or Lucien would have begun teaching you what it was to be High Fae, how to survive in Prythian, I thought they would have introduced you to all the courts. I thought they would have paraded the Savior of Prythian around to build alliances.”

She was right. In the past three months, no one had taken the time to teach me anything. Tamlin knew I could not read, but did not bother to hire a tutor, at the very least he could help me learn to read. Lucien tried to explain the finer aspects of being High Fae. He at least took the time to guide me in my new senses so I did not go mad. He had probably taught me the most, looking back every time I was about to learn something new, Ianthe or Tamlin would appear and scoot me away.

“All High Lords have a specialty power that is normally tied to their respective Courts.  Don’t misunderstand me, the High Lords have other powers such as shape shifting, winnowing, healing, the list goes on and on, and differs per High Lord. The fire power you displayed last night, is closely tied to the royalty of Autumn Court. Other High Fae may have the ability to wield fire, but their ability will always be less than that of High Lord Beron. Like the difference between a bonfire and a cooking fire. When the mortal you drank the faerie wine at summer solstice, it removed a portion of Lucien’s glamour. Being Beron’s son, Lucien inherited the ability to summon and wield fire. Eris is also one of High Lord Beron’s sons. He is the eldest, the cruelest and the biggest of all of them. Many believe Eris is to be the Heir of the Autumn Court. One never knows, being eldest does not always guarantee placement as the heir. Honestly I have my money on Lucien.” I began to doubt that claim, but I felt the truth in her words.

“Have you shown any other powers?” I had so many more questions. Are all powers inherited?  Why did I get fire over all the others?  I understood Tamlin’s power, spring was a transitional season, and it only make sense that he could transform himself and his sentinels. Autumn and fires went hand to hand. I could guess that winter would have something to do with ice. Summer would most likely be able to wield water. What of the Solar Courts?”

“I can shield, I don’t fully understand how, but I created a barrier between me and…” I thought of Tamlin’s wrecked study. How everything was destroyed in his display of rage towards me for simply traveling unaccompanied in the woods.

Before I could finish my sentence, I felt Rhys approach the dining table.

Rhys growled, “How often?  How often does he lose his temper with you?”

Shit! I checked my shields, but my shields were in place.

Mor stood there shocked, knowing that she had missed something crucial, but stayed silent. Darkness pooled off of him in large waves. Well that answered one question, the solar court powers seem to mimic the nature of their power. In the case of Rhys, it was darkness. Did I have these shadows of darkness?

“Feyre, how often does he lose his temper with you? I saw you, you were afraid, so afraid you shielded with no training.”

He was angry, so angry that the mountain shock under his footsteps. His wings were fully formed and extended to their full width. Darkness flowed off him and pooled on the floor. Anyone in their right mind would have been afraid of him, but I was not, I was furious.

I stepped away from the table, anger flaring, screaming, “Get out of my head!  You don’t know anything about me, or us!”

“Feyre that is not love! You should never feel fear from the one you love. For them yes, from them no. It is wrong!”

“What would you know of love? Other than Mor, I have not seen a single person in your court, not a single friend.”

“What do I know of love?! I learned a long time ago that I have to hide the people I love, to keep them safe. If I do not hide them, that everyone I love will be taken from me! Has Tamlin ever told you why my father killed his? Why I killed his brothers. Or did he just make it out that the Night Court was full of monsters?!”

My silence was enough of an answer. I knew Rhysand’s father had killed Tamlin’s family, but no one, not even Lucien told me why.

“Of course he has not shared the truth with you.”

I could see his chest heaving, I could sense through the bond, that while he was angry, it was not with me. He was angry with himself, with Tamlin.

“You are not his love, he does not see you as his equal.”

His wings were magnificent, I had always thought that they were black, but as the light hit them I could see red and gold, a little violet.

“He sees you as his prize, his possession. He will never love you like I do, he will never die along with you!”

He paused as we both remembered my death, I was dying he fought, fought for me, to die with me.

“And like my family, he will destroy you, but this time he will make me watch month by month as you cling to your delusion of what love is!”

I stood breathless as I watched him walk to the edge of the balcony and leap off.

I turned to Mor, “He loves me?”

She chuckled. “He really does have a way with women. Probably not the best way to tell you, but yes, he loves you.”

She could already see the questions forming in my head as she held up her hand, “it is his story to tell. I think we have had enough entertainment for one day, let’s go to bed.”

As I laid in bed, I replayed the night’s events over and over in my head. He was right. As I stood here feeling his power, his anger, I was never afraid of him or of his power. Never felt the need to shield myself.


	4. Velaris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need you to remember while reading this that Feyre is not as broken as she is ACOMAF and in this AU she has already glimpsed the city on her first day. 
> 
> If I can ever get the tone right, I plan to write a little from Tamlin's POV.

_Feyre_

After replaying the night’s events in my head, over and over again. I cried myself to a fit-full sleep. I felt like such a traitor. Just as something had broken inside of me, I knew something had broken in Tamlin as well. I know Tamlin loves me, but his protection is drowning me.   

The morning sun peaked over the mountains, and I begrudgingly rolled out of bed, I had to admit that I felt a calm that I didn’t expect here. The most calm that I had felt since my trials. I loved Tamlin, I loved the Spring Court, but here, I felt free. The openness of the palace allowed me to breath. The rooms were so open, that I never felt that they were closing in on me. I did not have to worry about coming across colors that made me sob.

Even the wardrobe that Rhysand had selected for me was devoid of sky blues, browns, or reds. Nuala pulled out a pant set just like yesterday, but a little more indigo in color. I loved the feel of the Night Court fashion. It was more feminine than a tunic, but less constricting than a dress. Cerridwen tried her best to cover my puffy eyes, I am not sure why she bothered. Even on my best day I was not even close to the same league as Mor. Plus, even as puffy as they may be, my eyes looked better than they had a week ago, the blue shadows were fading.

I made my way up to the breakfast table. I my mind, I could feel Rhys gently tapping on my shield, was the arrogant bastard actually asking permission? That’s new.  

Rhys purred, _I’ve been called away. I left you a gift in the library._ I sent a very crude remark to him and raised my shields. He was purring as though we had a fabulous night of dinner and dancing. Prick!

Mor was at the breakfast table, she looked stunning, but I could tell, early mornings were not her thing. I plated myself a two blueberry muffins, my absolute favorite. If you told me a year ago that I would be eating as many blueberry muffins as I wanted, I would have laughed myself hoarse. Now I sit here in a palace made of alabaster with moonstone accents and pillars. 

I needed to break the silence, “So, are you really Rhys’s cousin?  I do not see any resemblance. You’re so happy and blonde.”

Mor laughs, “we are cousins in the loosest sense, my dad was his dad’s second or third cousin, but we were raised together. Really, I am all the family he has left. Well besides my dad, but I’m not sure I would count that as family.”

I was too afraid to ask what had happened to the remainder of Rhys’s family. I stare at my engagement ring. “Are you married or mated?”

“So many questions, are you always this inquisitorial?”

I nod.

Pain shadows her bronze eyes, she drawls a deep breathe, “No, I am not married, I was once engaged, well not really engaged, more of an arranged marriage to benefit my parents. For now, let’s just say that their arrangement with the Autumn Court didn’t work out.”

Whatever happened, however long ago, I could sense that she did not want to talk about it or provide any additional details on how her engagement did not work out.

\- - - - - - -

After breakfast with Mor, I headed to the library. On the table was his gift, blank copies of the alphabet, along with several sentences I was to write, each sentence the same, except I was to swap out one word, each word more obnoxious than the last:

_Rhysand is the most handsome High Lord._

_Rhysand is the most delightful High Lord._

_Rhysand is the most cunning High Lord._

Prick! Insufferable, arrogant Bastard! Mor was right, he did have a way with women.  Maybe he never had to develop a way, it wouldn’t take any effort on his part. He could have shown up wearing rags and I am sure women would croon all over his violet eyes, muscled arms, broad chest. Even the tattoos would be an attraction.

I copied each line, raising and lower my shields. To entertain myself, I started adding my own descriptive words for Rhysand. I had to look many of the words up in the dictionary, but it put a smile on my face.

_Rhysand is the most arrogant High Lord._

_Rhysand is the most conceited High Lord._

_Rhysand is the most big-headed High Lord._

I finished my work and strolled back to my room. I was tired and happy to see Nuala and Cerridwen brought dinner.

\- - - - - - -

Rhys was away for the remainder of the week. Every day he left more delightful phrases, usually more arrogant than the last. I usually saw Mor for dinner, asking tons of questions about the various courts. I felt that given time and a different situation that Mor could be my best friend. Nuala and Cerridwen appeared as I needed meals. They took care of my room and asked how I was. For the most part I was alone with my thoughts and daily gifts from Rhys to occupy my time. I kept the knowledge of the mating bond tucked away, I didn’t have the energy, so I emotionally swept it under the carpet.

As the days progressed, I could see how his lessons truly were gifts, not your literal sense of a gift, like a necklace or paint set, Cauldron knew I already had enough of those. Even though he was absent, Rhys found time each day to prepare a lesson. Towards the end of the week, I knew he was running out of adjectives to describe himself, when he used _adorable_. I chuckled, I am not sure why but an image of Rhys playing with a kitten settled in my mind. The scary High Lord of Night, Death Incarnate, playing with a fluffy ball of fur.

I know I should find a way to thank him, he was giving me a gift of kindness that no one had ever bestowed upon me. I did not know if he knew how great of a gift this really was, how much it meant to me. My entire life no one ever thought I was worth teaching. No one ever thought I was worth their time, their effort.

\- - - - - - -

On my last day, I headed to the library to see what list of adjectives waited me. I was surprised to see Rhysand perched in my chair. I could feel Rhys’s eyes looking me over in the turquois Night Court pant set. He spoke before I had the chance to ask what the hell he was looking at.  

“Would you allow for me to take you to lunch?”

I stared, just stared at Rhys. I wanted to go home, I wanted time to think, but I owed him. If for nothing else, I owed him for the reading lessons. Time without me spewing venom towards his every movement.

He shifted, his eyes softens as he said, “Please, I want to show you something I love.”

Remembering the night before, the words I had said. I nodded, and a smile erupted from Rhys’s face. A true smile. “You’ll need to change, I’ll let Nuala and Cerridwen know where we are going.”

When I arrived to my room Nuala and Cerridwen were already rifling through my dressing closet. Cerridwen sat me down at the dressing table and began to braid my hair into a simple side braid. No crown, which I took as a good sign. The twins dressed me in a simple cream sweater than hugged my hips. My tights and suede boots were a matching shade of midnight blue. They pulled the most beautiful charcoal winter cloak from the dressing room. It was embroidered with blue, indigo and violet swirls, in the swirls there were tiny gems that sparkled like stars. The beauty of the detail took my breath away. I made my way to the atrium.

Rhys stared, stared at me like he could stand there forever before purring, “You look stunning.”

I bit my tongue, I needed to spend one afternoon reigning in my venom. “Thank you, it’s really all Nuala and Cerridwen.”

Rhys winks, then grabs my waist, a part of my body screams at the touch, wanting more. We winnow directly into a city. I gobble up every color, every smell, and every sound. Here stood a city, a true city. I loosen a breath that I did not realize I was holding. I could not believe that there was a city.

Rhys took me to a small café for lunch. It was quiet and the owner seem to know Rhys. No one here seem to care that he was a High Lord. They treated him like any other citizen. As we waited for our food, the silence killed me. I finally blurted, “How?”

He knew what a meant and took a deep breath, “Other cities, are known to the world. This city has remained a secret for millennia. When the Amarantha came, I had to make some hard choices, very quickly. With my remaining power, I choose to keep this city hidden. It was not a choice I made lightly, but is a choice I have to life with.”

I was happy that our food appeared, I needed a distraction from asking more questions, to smother the anger beginning to flare in me. The stew was phenomenal. I had never tasted food that made me feel so alive. The spices were layered in such a magical way, I could eat here every day for the rest of my immortal life. Rhys paid, giving the owner our thanks for a wonderful meal.

Rhys was quiet as we wandered the streets, every so often he would point out a historic place or interesting fact. He pointed out the main theaters, his favorite shops, he pointed out all of his favorite parts of the city, sharing with me a piece of himself. I knew he loved this city. As we strolled along the clean streets, I noticed that his people looked at him differently than Tamlin’s subjects had.  He knew many of them and in the occasional greeting they called him by his name, not High Lord.

“What was the cost?” I paused, “what was the cost of keeping this city secret?”

Rhys turned to me, he grabbed my chin, the thing under my skin danced at the touch. In a deep voice, “You already know the cost.”

I whispered, “Amarantha’s Whore.”

He nodded in shame and my heart broke for him, for the sacrifice that only I really understood. I wondered what nightmares plagued him, what demons he was battling.

I linked my hand into his the crook of his elbow and we aimlessly walk through the city.

Rhys broke our silence, “When you return, I have no doubt that he will have a thousand questions about your stay here. Most of them strategic, to find any weakness of the Night Court. You will hear other people say that many fae cross our borders and are never heard from again. And it’s true, but not for the reasons most think. Many people find solace in this city and never leave. Others unfortunately cross paths with fae as old as Prythian or a war band of Illyrians.”

“But there’s peace now, why would he care?”

“Because, war is coming Feyre, Under the Mountain was just a taste of what is to come.” He paused, “Feyre, I need that when you return, to keep the knowledge of this city secret. We have spent millennia keeping this beautiful city secret. Protecting these people from the evils in Prythian. Please, keep this secret.”

I understood the cost of this beautiful city. “Under one condition,” he raised a brow, “promise me that I can spend every week of our bargain here.”

He smiled, an unfiltered smile, like I had answered all of his dreams. He looked so young. His voice shook across my bones as he purred, “Of course, Feyre darling, anything for you.” And I knew he meant it.

I stood on the bridge overlooking the river and sea. This male, had sacrificed himself to keep these people safe. He whored himself, did her bidding to keep his family, his city safe. The sun was dropping, the sunset was exquisite. I had never known there were so many shades of magenta. Rhys grabbed my waist and we winnowed to the Spring Court.


	5. Returns

\- - - - - - -

_Feyre_

I was so wrong, so very wrong. Immediately upon my return Tamlin asked so many questions about the Night Court, what I saw, who I saw. Did I overhear any conversations, no matter how small of a detail, it could be important. How many servants, what they wore, weapons, guards. He wanted to know where I was every minute of every day I was gone. Where I slept. I spent hours answering his questions. I kept my promise, I kept that beautiful city hidden from the world. I also failed to disclose that Rhys spent the first night by my side and that it had been the best sleep I have had since my mortal life.

Neither of them had known of Mor or that Rhys had any remaining family. I noticed that Tamlin had quickly avoided the subject of Rhys’s family. After another hour, Lucien just sat, apologetically glancing at me. My friend had figured out I had nothing useful to say in the first twenty minutes.

Tamlin begged, “Come on Feyre, you must have seen something more than just the palace.”

At this point I was tired, tired of the endless questioning, inside me the huntress awoken, “Would it be any different if I was captured and tortured for information about the Spring Court? I could tell my captors everything about the manor, the color of every rug, the pattern of every vase, I could tell them about immediate grounds, but nothing about your court, your subjects, your villages, was there even a city here? I don’t even know the name of the closest village.”

Lucien stepped up to rescue me, “Come on Tam, we know Rhys is a bastard, but we have to admit he is not stupid. He would have hidden anything important from Feyre.” I loved my friend, but I found it concerning if he was becoming the voice of reason.

\- - - - - - -

The Nightmares had returned with wicked vengeance. I startled myself awake as I turned the blade onto myself. I ran for the bathing room, barely making it in time. Tamlin breath hitched, sometimes I wondered if he was awake. My body shook, the sweat clung to my body like blood and I felt a gentle tug on the bond as I sobbed into my hands. Gentle enough to remind me that I was not alone, gentle enough to remind me that that we had escaped under the mountain. I hated this nightmare the most. I laid in bed awake, too afraid to close my eyes and see their faces. 

\- - - - - - -

The next few days, were the same routine; sleep, eat, library, dress for dinner, dinner, sleep, nightmare, more sleep. On the sixth day, I was ready to go mad. Everyone around me was busy, with a purpose, everyone except me. I was so desperate for any form of conversation that I lowered my shield, before I even got out of bed, _Rhys?_

_He purred, Hello Feyre darling, what an unexpected surprise._

_I’m bored!_

_Oh, if you were laying in my bed, you would not be bored._

_Pig!_

Suddenly, a small book appeared in from of me. _It was a favorite of my mother’s she read it to both me and my sister, I think you will enjoy it, it is a story about magical humans called wizards. Let me know when you finish the first book and I will send the next._

_The next?_

_Yes, this is a series, seven books._

_Thank you, thank you again for helping me when I needed it._

I had meant it, even if I wanted to bark at him, I couldn’t, he was helping me and I was too tired to hate him for it. I spent the remainder of my morning and afternoon imagining an alternate world a world made for an eleven year old boy with a lightening scar.  The story was of a world that never existed and never would, but in those moments, reading the story, I did not feel so alone.

\- - - - - - -

Alis came to ready me for dinner. As I bathed, I started to think about Rhys. Every single time I needed him, he was there. He rescued me on Calanmai, before he even know who I was. Even now he was rescuing me from my boredom, but boredom doesn’t break a person, I needed to be honest with myself, he was keeping me from breaking because of what I had done.

Alis picked out a beautiful, yet simple dark blue gown that reminded me of the night sky, it reminded me of the suede boots I wore to Rhys’s City. I quietly sat as she did my hair.

“Alis?” She had become like a mother to me, I could ask her simple questions.

“Hmm”

“You once said your sister was mated.”

“She was, why do you ask?”

“Could you tell me about it, could you tell me about being mated?”

“Mates are a blessing from the Cauldron and rare, just as our younglings are rare. Mates form a bond, and through that bond they become connected. They have the ability to share feelings and sometimes thoughts. Mates will fight to the death to protect one another, especially the males.”

“Did they love each other?” I knew I was mated to Rhys, but love, love was different. I loved Tamlin. I loved him so much that I chose to die for him.

“Cauldron no. My sister wanted nothing to do with marriage, let alone a mate. You remind me a little of her, strong willed, meant for something more. Branden her mate, was patient. They spent years squabbling, but as the mating bond strengthened, love grew. Before they died, the love, the bond they shared was beautiful. I was so envious of her finding such a sacred connection.” I could see the silver that lined her eyes. I could tell her sister meant the world to her, just as mine had.

“What happens if you ignore the bond?”

“What an odd question, girl.” She stared at me in the mirror, the dark circles under my eyes had returned. My face was still gaunt. I looked like sadness and grief were slowly eating me from the inside out. The look on her face was shock. I had a feeling not many things shocked Alis.

“I see? May I ask who?”

I bit my lip, and shook my head. I needed to keep this secret.

\- - - - - - -

I joined Tamlin and Lucien for dinner. It was more of the normal routine we had started together. Asking about each other’s days. News from other courts. As I excused myself, Lucien offered to take me for a ride tomorrow beyond the manor, I gratefully accepted, and was happy to know that I had gotten under Tamlin’s skin. I didn’t want to ask what Tamlin was so busy doing that he could not show me.

I crawled into bed, with Rhys’s book. It smelled of a dust, citrus and sea. I lowered my shield just enough to send a message to Rhys. I was a traitor.

\- - - - - - -

Lucien had our horses ready to go and food packed for our journey. We started our journey in silence. Our time Under the Mountain had hurt all of us, and each of us was trying our best to survive, to heal. Small talk to many of us seemed useless, unimportant in the grand scale of things. Lucien broke our silence. “You smell different.”

“Different how?”  Maybe the bond, maybe Lucien could smell the bond. Shit! I wasn’t ready to tell them yet. I knew what Tamlin’s reaction would be and I didn’t want to hurt him. Plus, I wasn’t ready to accept a bond, not with the mess I had become.

“You smell more powerful”

“Wait you can smell power? I know the metallic clang when magic is being used, but you can actually smell the power a High Fae possesses?” I had spent most of my time around, Tamlin and Lucien, I could not smell a difference in power. Tamlin smelled strongly of spring, while Lucien had an autumn scent.

“Yes, we can smell power, it is usually how we know which son is the heir to the High Lord. The best females to marry, which alliances to build. My eldest brother Eris, was once engaged to a very powerful High Fae of the Night Court. Our families smelled the power building in her around the age of 12, she was promised to my brother and they were to marry once her powers fully came in.”

“What happened?”

“I only know what I have been told, it all happened before I was born, before the war. My mother told me the story. She said when Morrigan’s powers came in, she shook the gods damn mountains. My family greedy as ever, was excited about such a pairing. Such power to weave into our fire blood line. Eris was ecstatic, not only at the prospect of her power, but Morrigan was beautiful. My mother described her as golden sunshine. A week before the wedding a bloody and tortured Morrigan appeared in the Autumn Court with a note nailed to her. ” Lucien paused, as if remembering his own torture.

Lucien was speaking of Mor. How had he not made the connection?

“Nailed to her?”

“Yes, nailed. Cruel. It appeared that she had debased herself with a lesser faerie. No longer fit for marriage to a High Lord’s son.”

“She was tortured and thrown away like trash because she was not a virgin, because she made a choice?” Another doll, she was expected to be a doll, called upon when her presence was necessary, but mostly locked away.

“Yes, and my family left her for dead. There are rumors that she still lives in the Night Court, that she fought on the side of mortals during the war. Rumors mostly spread by young female High Fae destined for a life of dinner parties and children, desperately wanting an adventure or a choice. I would like to believe she escaped, but I have seen the Night Courts torture. Then to be handed off to my brothers, I know their style of torture first hand and I doubt she would have survived the night in that forest. Though I want to believe that someone has survived Eris’s cruelty.”

“Lucien, why are you telling me this?”

He halted our horses, he stared at me with his good eye, his metal eye whirled. “As my friend, I want you to know that you have a choice. Ianthe and Tamlin want this wedding, but remember we are immortal, all we have is time. I want my feisty friend back and I don’t know how to help you heal.”

I wasn’t sure Lucien could help me heal. I was so broken, I was a mess. Lucien dismounted his horse, ready to change the conversation he stated, “I’m starving.”

I nodded in agreement. We sat, making a quick picnic. In the distance I could see a small range of mountains. We were heading towards the western borders. I made myself two sandwiches as Lucien shot me a glance, amazed by the amount of food I could eat.  

I sensed Lucien’s need for hope. “Lucien, Morrigan survived. I am not sure how, but she told me my fire power could give you and Eris a run for your money.”

Lucien smirked, “Fire power?”

“After the wedding, in a fit of anger, I _may_ have destroyed the great hall of Rhys’s palace in the mountains.”

Lucien laughed, “Serves him right! Stealing a bride on her wedding day.”

I chuckled, if only he knew half the story. “Lucien, I have no idea how to control my powers, I am afraid. If I lose control again, I could burn the manor to ashes.”

“I highly doubt that, it would take years of training or the power of a High Lord to wield that much power.”

I was so tired of these male fae thinking what they thought they knew. I could feel the fire build in my bones, crackling in my veins, power wanting to be released. The meadow exploded in flame. The high grass burning. Embers flared around us, floating in the air, it was beautiful and destructive. Lucien just stood there, with his mouth open. I knew the fire could not hurt him, not when he wielded his own fire. I calmed remembering Rhys’s instruction on how to extinguish the power emanating from my fingertips, but I had no idea how to put the grass fire out. I looked to Lucien.

He shrugged, slightly amused, as he extinguished the fire. “I’ll talk to Tamlin. These powers are going to continue to manifest. It took years of training to be able to create a fire this big.”

“Lucien, I am tired, can we head back?” I could feel that even though I gave Lucien one hell of a show, that I had depleted my powers.

We silently rode back to the manner. I knew we were both replaying the day’s events in our minds. I had what felt like a thousand questions, but was afraid to ask. When we arrived back at the house, I headed straight to my room.

When I awoke, I was starving. I padded my way down to the kitchens, in the distance I could hear hushed voices. I stilled my breath and determined it was Tamlin, Lucien and Ianthe. I could hear Lucien begging Tamlin to train me, that the powers would manifest and if we ignored, them they would destroy me.  I didn’t bother to stay, I knew the answer would be no.

I avoided Tamlin and was lucky when he was called away to deal with another issue that I could not know about. More secrets.

\- - - - - - -

A few days later I had finished the first book. The book took a little longer than expected to read, I had to keep looking up words. Some words like muggle were explained by the author, but others were not. I was proud to have finished my first novel.

_Good morning, Prick._

_Good morning, Feyre darling. Is it true that you have ensnared a Suriel?_

_It wasn’t that hard._

_I’ve tried twice and failed._

_Seriously?  What did you use to bait him?_

_Bait?_

_Yes, bait, you can’t just lay a trap and expect what you are hunting to step into it. You have to lore them into the trap. Usually food works._

_Prick!_ He was toying with me. As I felt his laughter through the bond, I wondered what he felt in return.

_What do I owe for this early morning call?_

_Book 2 please._

_Enjoy, I am going back to sleep._

I felt like a traitor. Tamlin loved me and cared for my family. He gave me a home and while he was away, I was wishing his enemy good morning. I needed to tell him that Rhys was my mate. I needed to be honest, but I was afraid. I felt the bond, I knew it was there, but I could not understand why. Mates were equals.

As badly I wanted to tear into book 2, Rhys just gave me an excellent idea. I dressed in a hunting tunic, and grabbed a green cloak, the star studded charcoal cloak was now my new favorite. I made my way down to the kitchens to grab lunch and a chicken. I noticed my body guards Bron and Hart were following me. The last thing I needed was company. Mor had said I would have the power to winnow, what better time than now to try. I envisioned the young grove of birch trees, and darkness roared, I felt the wind tearing around me, the world gone, where time stood still. As the darkness vanished, I was surrounded with a familiar clearing.

I set my trap and waited. I only had one question, the one question I had been dancing around since I felt the mating bond. The one question that Alis, Lucien or even Rhys could never answer. I heard a crack and then a screech.

It was as horrific as I remembered. I now understood Alis’s comment about a robe. His tattered robe did not conceal the bone and muscle.

“Feyre Cursebreaker,” it said, turning toward me, in a voice that was both one and many. The human left in me told me to run.

“I have need of you.” I felt Rhys checking on me through the bond, I sent a return stroke to let him know I was safe. Well as safe as you can be around a Suriel.

“You have many questions, but I do not believe they are all for me.”

“How can I possibly be his mate?” Mates were equals, matched, at least in some way.

“Interesting choice.” _Click, click, click._ “Rhysand is the most powerful High Lord to ever walk this earth. You are . . . new. You are made of all seven High Lords. Unlike anything. Are you two not similar in that? Are you not matched?”

“No, we were mated when I was still mortal. I didn’t understand his pull on me at Calanmai, but it was there. Our mating has nothing to do with our powers.”

“Clever girl. Would you both sacrifice your entire being to protect the ones you love? Do you both wish for a better world?  Do you both support the dreams of others, while sacrificing your own happiness? Do you both not hide who you are from others? Do you both believe yourselves to be unlovable?”

I swallowed, the Suriel was right, there were so many similarities of our core beings to be ignored. I raised my bow and released the snare.

“Cursebreaker, before our previous discussion was cut off, I was telling you a story of how the King of Hybern has been unhappy with the alliance, he will soon make a move to remove the wall and to start a war.”

As quickly as he appeared, he was gone. I gathered my belongings and winnowed to the willow tree above the manor. As the willow sung to me, in the distance, the manor was in a state of utter chaos.

\- - - - - - -

“Where in the gods damn Cauldron have you been? Bron and Hart said you were, there and then gone. By their description we thought that Rhysand had kidnapped you.” How dare Lucien treat me like a child? I was not a child!

Lucien stepped back, “Feyre, I’m sorry, I was worried. I need you to calm down, I need you to calm down before someone notices.”

“Notices what?” I snap.

Lucien whispered, “The tendrils.”

I look down and see little tendrils of darkness leaping off of me. Compared to Rhys’s they are barely notable. There was only one person who could help me. _Rhys! How do you make the tendrils quiet?_

_Tendrils, what tendrils?_

I could kill him. Arrogant bastard was finding this funny. As if in reaction to his taunt, the tendrils grew and were very notable.   _Rhys, please, I do not know how to quiet them._

_Ok, ok, Feyre darling. What were you feeling when they appeared?_

_Prick, does that really matter? How do I quiet them?_

_Yes, Feyre, it does matter, darkness is different than fire._

I tried blowing them out like a candle, it had worked earlier.

I felt panic, fear, I had no idea what he was talking about. No idea how to control the tendrils flowing out from me. In a blink I felt Rhysand appear. Lucien took a step back, shocked that the High Lord of Night just appeared, and not entirely sure what he should do with himself. “How did you get in here?!”

Ignoring Lucien, Rhys stood in front of me. “As I was saying Feyre, darkness is different. There is the darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful.” I closed my eyes and tried to picture each of them. All I could picture was the darkness of my cell under the mountain, the fear I felt that I would never see daylight again, that I would die under that cursed mountain. I could feel the tendrils grow with my feelings of fear.

Rhys continued, “There is darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. Darkness is not wholly bad or good.”

“Open your eyes.” I did.

I found the most beautiful darkness around me, it was calming as it intermixed with my tendrils. I reached out for a twinkling little star. His darkness filled my soul with love. As I steadied myself and drew a calming breath, I knew my tendrils had disappeared.

Rhys pulled back his darkness. My body screamed to reach out to him, to touch him. “It seems like you have had a busy day. What caused the tendrils?”

As if called forward, Lucien stepped next to me. Rhys smirked, “Oh, I see fox-boy must have pissed you off.”  I could not help but snort at the situation. He continued, “Fox-boy may have been the initial cause, but your darkness was fed by your fear.”

“Well seeing that I am here and I have some business with Tamlin, I might as well go have some fun getting under Tamlin’s skin.”

As we walked towards the manor, I felt Lucien suspiciously eyeing us. I would have to explain to him later, but what would I explain? I couldn’t say that there was a bond between us. Maybe I could use the bargain as a way to explain how Rhys knew I was endanger of erupting into darkness. I doubt either Tamlin or Lucien would be pleased to know that I can speak mind to mind with Rhys.

\- - - - - - -

I woke up to Ianthe helping Alis select my clothes. I knew Alis bit her tongue around the High Priestess, we both knew Alis was more than capable to pick out my clothes. I greeted Ianthe and once again asked, what my role was for the Tithe. I didn’t fully understand what the Tithe was.

She smiled and explained that my role was to sit next to the High Lord, support the High Lord and watch as he interacted with his subjects. I was beyond irritated, no one ever explained anything to me here. I was a doll. A doll wrapped and presented when needed. Hidden away when not needed.

The Tithe was the most boring thing to sit through. In the first hour, I figured out that it was a declaration of power. Each of Tamlin’s subjects provided an offering as payment for his protection. I was not needed, no one cared if I was there. After the forth hour, I began contemplating if fighting the Middengard Wyrm was less painful than being expected to sit here all day, my butt was numb. I caught in a day dream as Tamlin growled at what I assumed to be a Water Wraith. I had missed the majority of the conversation between the two, but I knew she was pleading starvation as the reason she could not pay her Tithe. Anger shot through me as he dismissed her plea, dismissed her. I excused myself and followed the Water Wraith. Well me and my sentries. I knew what it was to be hungry, what it was to not be able to feed my sisters and I was going to help. I gave the Water Wraith all my jewelry to pay her Tithe and feed her sisters.

\- - - - - - -

I knew I would pay for my kindness. It was only a matter of time before Tamlin found out about me giving my jewelry to the Water Wraiths. I knew he would be furious, but he had no idea what it was like to be hungry. I’m not sure my mortal soul would ever forget what it was to be hungry.  The hunger had wrapped itself around my heart, to become apart who I was and I am not sure immortality was every going to let me forget our desperation. Just as it would never let me forget those innocent fae.

“How dare you, help those Water Wraiths! You undermine my authority.” His claws and fangs were out. I was starting to learn that his emotions ran his powers almost as much as mine did.

Lucien cleared his throat. “She meant no harm, Tam.”

Tamlin glared at Lucien as he growled, “Did I ask for your opinion?”

Those words, the look he gave Lucien and the way Lucien lowered his head, Lucien was defeated. I felt bad for my friend. Then I was gone, still in the room, but looking from a different vantage point, like Under the Mountain. Thoughts slammed into me. Sad, so endlessly sad and hopeless. I snapped back into my own head. My friend, what had he done to my friend? Was this my fate?

It was my turn to be angry. It was my turn to remind Tamlin who I was. Even the mortal girl that arrived here was a fighter, stealing dinner knives and ensnaring the Suriel. Now that I was reborn, I was stronger, I had fangs, and I had fire. I was tired of him stifling my being, making me fit into a pretty little box, I was tired of him ignoring the sacrifice I had made for us. I was tired of him ignoring me. Tired of him building a cage. Tired of him protecting me to the point of suffocation.  

“What happened to you? I loved you, I loved you so much and you just sat there, sat there while she broke every bone in my body, sat there while she snapped my neck. You didn’t fight. I fought three trials to prove my love for you, to free you and you just sat there. You were not even willing to die with me!” I my breathing was erratic.

“Feyre, Feyre, I didn’t know how.” In his voice was a plea, an apology, but fire started dancing on my finger tips.

“You have stopped trying. Now that you got what you wanted, your power back, me back, you have stopped.  That is not what love is!”

I remembered Rhys picking up the ash knife, trying to kill her. I remembered her throwing her powers at him over and over again as he tried to get to me or tried to kill her. He was willing to die with me. Tears started rolling down my face.

Lucien took a step back, he knew this was going to be bad as he watched the tendrils dance. He was born of fire and he had seen my fire powers. He knew if I did not rein in my emotions I could level this manor.

Tamlin glared at the tendrils, “What has he done to you?” I wouldn’t even acknowledge his ludicrous claim.

“I vomit my guts out every night as I relive the Attor’s boney fingers beating me, relive the fever calling me to death, desperate enough to agree to a bargain to save you.” The tendrils started forming. It was almost beautiful watching the fire laced tendrils. 

“What has he done to you?” Seriously?! He thought this was Rhysand. Fire and darkness was erupting from me. He was so delusional, so lost, that he couldn’t see who I was, through his warped vision of me, of that mortal girl. He couldn’t see the High Fae born of seven High Lords.

“How dare you!  He has done NOTHING to me!  Every night I relive Lucien begging for me to pick a lever. He had no idea that while he begged, that I was illiterate. You sat there by her side, knowing that second trial was going to kill me. You watched me grab the second lever, and nothing, not a groan, not a breath was emitted from you. Lucien screamed out during the first trial, he received 20 lashings for helping me. You just sat there. You sat there as the two people closest to you were going to die. Did you ever think to ask how I survived that trial?”

“Feyre, please, I love you! I couldn’t protect you, I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t save Lucien.” He was desperate.

“What _he_ did was save me, through that bargain, through that bond he helped me select the third lever.”

“Feyre, please, there is no bond between you.”

“I relive my soul breaking as I killed those innocent fae to free you, I relive my neck breaking, while you lay in bed ignoring my pain because it is inconvenient for you to face that you could not protect me. You cannot even be inconvenienced enough to get out of bed to hold back my hair. In those moments I need to not feel alone.”

“Feyre, please. I’m sorry. I’ll try harder. I love you!”

My powers were starting to control me, I didn’t know how to rein them in. I knew he loved me, I know he loved me so much. But I was beginning to learn, it was not the kind of love I needed. It was not the type of love that would allow my soul to thrive.  

I took the emerald engagement ring off my finger. “I don’t want this anymore! I can’t live in this prison any more, I can’t breathe! I can’t continue to feel this alone! After all that I have given, I will NOT live in a cage! I will not be broken, I will not allow you to break me, like you have BROKEN Lucien. I did not die to become this hopeless, this sad!” I threw the ring with all the power and strength I had, too fast for even a mighty High Lord to deflect.

Tamlin transformed to his beast, he was ready to grab me, maybe attack me? Rhys was right, love was not fear. Before I had a chance to react, to create a shield, darkness erupted around me.

Rhys and Mor stood beside me. Rhys growled at Tamlin, his darkness surrounded him. Rhys looked at me, “It is your choice, you belong to no court. If you chose to leave the Spring Court, we will take you wherever you want to go.” Mor winked at Lucien as she said, “Though, I would not suggest Autumn Court, they tend to kill or banish anything good, but the rest are nice.”

I couldn’t believe it. Hhe wasn’t giving me a choice between us or them. He was giving me a choice to go any place in Prythian I desired. I knew that he meant it and I knew he would support my decision.

Tamlin growled, “She is not going anywhere with you Night Court Whores!”

How dare he treat me like a possession? Even right now exuding powers greater than his, he still thinks he is higher than me, still thinks I need protection. Rhys raised a hand and Tamlin froze in place. Lucien somehow knew the fire was about to erupt. He stepped forward, Rhys growled, growled at him.

Lucien continued, “Feyre, I need to you to breathe. Slowly exhale as you count 1…2…3, now inhale, 1…2…3, we repeated this slow exchange of breathes, until we had control of my breathing. Lucien looked at me with a touch of wonder, “Feyre, look at me. A fire this size cannot be gently blown out like a candle. A fire this size, is like a forest fire, you will need to find a way to smother it.”

I nodded, it made so much sense that I was embarrassed that I never thought of it. I also remembered that darkness can smother. I had summoned complete darkness to extinguish my fire.

I stepped toward Tamlin. “I’m sorry.” And I had meant it. I loved him, but his love was killing me.

I grabbed Rhys’s hand, I looked into his violet eyes, “Rhys, please take me away.”

As the darkness whipped around us, I could hear Tamlin roar, I knew this would not be the last time I would see Tamlin. As much as I knew this was over, it was not over for him.

 


End file.
